Lost but not forgotten....Trying to reboot...

Well hello my blogger friends!

I know I have been gone for a while. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since I've blogged. Horrible of me....
What have I been up to?!?! It's been a rough couple of weeks.

Thankfully I was not personally affected by the flooding here in Colorado aside from some traffic jams. But the house survived. We did get some heavy, heavy rain and we got caught in the hail while out on our motorcycles on the 14th. That made for an interesting ride for sure. They did get hit pretty bad up in Boulder/Longmont areas. Our thoughts have been with them.
The mall got flooded though...

I was able to start working out again last week. I have been doing my weigh ins and I am totally discouraged. So here they are:

9/9/13 Weigh in: up .2 from previous week

Then the next week...

9/16/13 weigh in: up .8 lbs from previous week..

and now for this week...This is SO bad...

up 2.2 lbs from last week. UGH...Yes headed in the wrong direction...

So I have gained 3 lbs in the last 2.5 weeks.

 

I am totally discouraged. I am 3 weeks away from my 1 year bandiversary and I haven't even lost 75 lbs yet....

 

These last few weeks have been so stressful. I have been totally eating my emotions away. We had employee issues that has turned into a complete mess....Hopefully we can get that fixed with minimal damage. But that is just work stress....That isn't what has really been bothering me.

 

I try not to vent much on my blog, mainly because I want it to be a positive thing for everyone to read. I have vented a few times, but I find that blogging about it really kind of helps me send it out to the cosmic void.

 

I'm hurting, that's as plain as I can say it. Why? My mother told me that I am a disappointment to her AGAIN! This should not be anything new. She has done this to me so many times it should be like riding a bike to get past this. Why am I a disappointment? Because I haven't seen my nephew much since he moved from my house to his fathers. This is a bit out of my control. I was recovering for 6 weeks, prior to that I was so busy working there was no way I could have had him here, and once I was recovered he was back in school. So, its a time thing. But, naturally, the fact that the courts awarded sole custody to his father and not to me must be my fault entirely. I know. I'm disappointing.

 

I sent my mom the Happy Birthday song via text message to her on Sunday. It was her birthday so I thought it would be nice. That's more then I got from her on my birthday last Wednesday, but whose keeping tabs. Well she decided to tell me how angry and disappointed she is in me because of everything. I should know better then to try to please this woman. It comes back to bite me every time.

 

So what's next for me? I have to distance myself. This time, for good. I know I have to do this. I have been told by so many people including mental health professionals. This is so hard for me. My friend says child birth is hard this is just life.

 

It's sad because I've always wanted a mother. One that didn't look at me like she despised me because I was the spawn of satan. She hates, literally, she has said she hates my natural father. She thinks he is the biggest waste of space there is. I don't necessarily disagree, but it isn't my fault he is that way. But she has always looked at me differently and I am sure it is impart because I am his daughter.

 

She has always favored by sister. My drug addict sister. The one that abandoned her child to be cared for by me. I turned my family completely upside down, to the point where my oldest acted out negatively and both of them did everything they could do to not be home. I even completely lost it like 5 times over the last 2 years, to the point where I packed a bag and walked out just to get away from everything and everyone. I was never gone for long, but none the less, I wanted to run. For 2 years I got yelled at and cried at because my mother distraught. She never asked how my kids, my family, or our lives were affected. She called me her rock and told me I was the only one she could lean on. And honestly, I didn't want that role. Selfish of me? Maybe. But after all the crap she put me through, from physically beating me as a child to emotionally beating me as an adult, I am done. Or at least I need to be.

 

I wish I could figure out why this is so hard. I can usually write family out of my life easily. I have had to do it so much throughout the years. Usually it's them leaving, not me. Boy how horrible does that sound.

Anyway, enough of that! My eating has kind of sucked. I have been eating lots of sweets. Ice cream mostly. We have had a lot of birthdays to celebrate this last week. Including the hubby's.

My birthday was eh...ok....Just another day. One of my dear friends surprised me with a gift. I totally didn't expect anything. But she knows how crazy I am about Supernatural and she got me a bunch of stuff. Including two t-shirts. They are rather tight, but, with some more work I think they will fit perfectly in a few months. I have never been one for clingy clothes. But I so want to get into these t-shirts! :) Still look better then I did a 11 months ago.

Luckily the ice cream and cake is all gone now. SO....Time to reboot!

 

I have been working out over the last week and a half. Biking, running, ellipticalling, wii zumbaing and strengthening. I am not seeing any results but I am still doing it.  This was yesterdays workout.

Hopefully I will start seeing results soon. I am discouraged beyond belief right now but determined not to give up. I must get through these hard times too. And even if I have to do it alone, I have to do it.

 

I am going to start logging my food again regularly, and working really hard to get off the sweets. I want to start blogging regularly again and reading your blogs regularly too. I have to get past this bump. I know I can....But I feel a little lost. Hopefully I will find my way soon.

 

I had an unfill a few weeks ago, and I am going back in for a fill in 2 weeks along with my 1 year check up.

 

So here we go. Time to ride the wave, again... Have a great night and thanks for reading and listening to me ramble.

 Until we meet again :)

~Chris~

Band Abuse.....& Last Mad Monday weigh in....

Hey all! How's it going? Things here are going ok. I know I know, its been 1 1/2 weeks since I blogged. I am like seriously dropping the ball all the way around!

OK Let's start with this past weeks weigh in....not good. But I knew it wouldn't be. And the results are 208.6. Up .8 from the 26th of August....

So my totals are:

66.2.0 lbs down since 8/22/12!
51.6lbs down since surgery on 10/15/12!

 

I'll be damned I am going the wrong way....So I have gained .8 lbs since surgery on July 31st. I guess that's not horrible.

 

What's happened over the last week and a half. Lets see, I had an unfill. I was so tight I was getting stuck on virtually everything. So I opted to go in and have an unfill. They took out .4 cc's. YIKES!! That's a lot! So now I have 6.9 cc's in my 10 cc band. I have been really struggling with this whole green zone thing. It's just not clicking with me or something. I have also really been struggling with the 208 weight range. I thought I had it beat right before surgery and now I am back where I started. Super discouraged right now!!

 

I went and saw the doctor a few days ago. The good news is I am healing up nicely he said. He also said I am released back to almost totally full exercise. No sit-ups, crunches or anything that will work my abdominal muscles heavily but I can run, elliptical, use my resistance bands, etc. & no exercise ball work.

 

Great I can get started moving again! The bad news....I got sick this past Tuesday and I feel like death warmed over....I had a sore throat for 3 days and now my head is so stuffed up I can't stand it. And since I can't breathe I am not working out.

 

I am hoping I feel significantly better by Monday. I would really like to start doing something. I am so out of practice and I feel so lazy.

 

Onto my band abuse...Yes I have been totally blowing it. I have been eating and over eating at that. I don't know what the hell is going on with me. I feel like I have been eating a ton. I have even been stuck a few times at my current fill level. And I don't ever feel hungry. So I am either eating way to much or my band is still overfull. I am going with the eating way to much thing. I am even eating when I am not hungry. And I know it too. But I am doing it anyway. BAD BAD BAD Chris!!!

 

Hopefully I can get back in the correct mind frame and start working out again once I feel better. I really need to not give up. I can break this plateau and start loosing and eating better again.

 

Our business is struggling too. Bad! I keep hearing everyone say the economy is doing better but let me tell you, we sure as hell can't tell....I am worried about finances, and our house, and everything else I can possibly think of. Do I feel stressed, no not really, but I think I am. And I think I am stress eating, kind of. Can you stress eat if you are aware of the fact that you are eating too much? So I am going to be physically working at the business here in the next couple of weeks. Gotta get some stuff moving!

 

Volleyball started back up for the girls. It is in full swing. We had the first tournament last Friday and then 2 games this past week. The team is looking pretty good. My girls are in the video below. #4 and #12. Same team this year! It will make it easy to watch them both.

 

OK my blog friends. I am done for today. Stuffed up and tired. So, have a great evening! Hopefully tomorrow I will blog again and get back to reading what is happening in your world. I really miss you all.

 

Cheers!

~Chris~

Hump Day Happenings!

Wow 3 days in a row posting. That's a record right!

OK Well no not really but hey. It's a start!

What happened on my hump day????? Well you know how when some says "I have to talk to you."  and then they leave you hanging and don't say anything about what they want to talk to you about. I had one of those days.

My kids both went and had a routine blood panel done last weekend at the pediatricians request. Just to make sure things were all good. So this morning at like 9 I get a call from the pediatricians office.

Me - "Hello?"
Lady on the phone - "Hi this is the pediatricians office. The Doctor would like you and K to come in and discuss her blood work."
Me - "Is everything OK?!?!"
Lady on the phone - "I don't know, they just told me to call and have you come in. Can you come at  today?"
Me - "OK"

OK SO REALLY!?!?!?! So needless to say, everything that could possibly be wrong is flying through my head. Because naturally if everything was OK why would I have to go into the office to discuss blood work? I mean they only requested one daughter and not both and they both had blood drawn.

UGH. This made for like the longest most frustrating day ever!! WTH!!!

Turns out it's not cancer. THANK GOODNESS!!! My husband has a cousin that died at 15 from cancer and his sister also had cancer. I was freaked all day. And although it is not nothing, it is not life threatening at this point and there is a good chance her results will be normal when she is retested 6 months from now. But for goodness sake, when you call me and ask me questions like that, at least tell me everything is ok first! I did let the doctor know I was freaked out all day. She apologized profusely.

To top it off, I now have a new hatred for Centurylink. They are the cheapest game in town for internet that I have found but their customer service is the worst. I have been having problems with my internet dropping for like 6 months. It has progressively gotten worse over the last 2 months. I called in July and they had me change the radio channel. Didn't help. Then they had me go buy another modem, That didn't work. So today they were supposed to send someone out to fix a problem they found in their box and no one showed.

So I was not happy and I was down right mean to the Centurylink phone people. I even emailed all the CEO's Presidents and VP's at the company. Not that a email from a measly person like me is going to make a difference but I sure felt better.

So I am done ranting.

I had no walk today and hardly any movement. I spent most of the day on the phone.

Thank goodness

That's all folks!

Enjoy the remainder of your Hump Day! Hope your happenings were better than mine :)

~Chris~

Out of practice....

I am so out of practice I can't even really think of a title for this entry :)

Today was a pretty good day. As promised I did go for a walk today. 3.93 miles! Not bad for the first time I have been active in 4 weeks. I decided to take my puppy with me. He's 2, not so much a puppy but he's my puppy! He is not really leash trained either so walking him has always been a concern for me. But he did great today! He hardly pulled on the leash and walked with me often. He was so excited. I am excited too, this means I can take him with me more often!

Totally wore him out though, He's been doing this all day :) I think I wore him out!

The walk felt good. It's amazing how sore my legs were after I was done. Wouldn't think walking would make me sore.

 

My fitbit said my walk was good for 9095 steps. So I finished my day over 10K steps. I think I may walk again tomorrow.

 

I need to start logging my food again too. My nutritionist wants me to stop logging so much but I really haven't logged since May and I think it is more beneficial when I do. So tomorrow I am going to shoot for that too. Get the ball rolling in the right direction again.

 

I go back and see the doctor next week. I am hoping that he releases me completely. Not sure.

 

Today was spent mainly on the phone. Had to find new medical insurance since mine will be going away in the next few days. That is always fun. Tomorrow I don't intend to be on the phone so much.

 

OK anywho! I think its time for bed.

Cheers my blog friends! I hope you had a great Tuesday!

~Chris~

 

 

Mad Monday weigh in times 2!

Hello there! Long time no blog! I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since I last posted. Can you say slacker?!?!? I am still in recovery mode. Although I feel just fine. 2 more weeks and hopefully I can get moving again.

Any on to business. Last weeks weigh in was 206.8. that's up .2 lbs from the week before which was 8/12/13.

Today's weigh in, not good. 207.8. So the 1.2 lbs I was down 2 weeks ago is back. On the upside so far I am basically holding steady during this down period.

I do have to admit. My food choices the last week have not been so good. And I haven't been drinking all my water either.

 

So my totals are:
67.0 lbs down since 8/22/12!
52.4 lbs down since surgery on 10/15/12!

 

I saw the doctor about a week and a half ago and he did release me to go for walks. That's about it. I have yet to go for one. I have been lazy. Working mostly. I had 2 full weeks where I really did nothing so I had some catching up to do. I plan for this week to be so much more productive. Starting tomorrow morning!!

 

We celebrated my youngest daughters 15th birthday last weekend. Her sister did her hair!

She decided she wanted to go paint. So we did. It was like a trip to Hawaii. The one in the middle belongs to me!

 

As always painting was great fun! I skipped the wine and opted for water. I was a bit uncomfortable but made it through. And it was well worth it for my baby. :) My husband even decided to come along and he actually enjoyed himself! And he did a great job! My Hawaii is on the left and his is on the right. We were also joined by my eldest, my mother her boyfriend, and my sister and nephew. It was a good turn out for her birthday. We really weren't planning a big celebrations for her this year since she will get the big one next year!

But after painting we went to Red Lobster for dinner. I love snow crab! We followed that up at home with cake.

All in all I think she had a good day!

 

My mom brought me some fresh veggies from her garden, zucchini and red and yellow tomatos and green peppers. They made a wonderfully colorful dish that I mixed with ground beef. YUM!

 





Last nights moon was really cool. I took this picture out our front window. I think I am going to try to paint this!

Lastly, my puppy was so stinky that I had to give him a bath. He is so funny! He doesn't really like baths. He was being silly afterwards and doing his Shiba 500. He actually looks mad in this photo! He cracks me up!

OK Enough for tonight. I hope everyone is doing well! I will be back regularly soon. I plan on reading your blogs this week! :)

 

Cheers! Have a wonderful evening!

~Chris~

 



 

 

 

Mad Monday Weigh In.....

This weeks weight?!?!?! 206.6. Down 1.2 lbs! Whew! No scale picture. I didn't have my phone in my room with me this morning :-( So you'll have to take my word for it :-)

So my totals are:
68.2 lbs down since 8/22/12!
53.6 lbs down since surgery on 10/15/12!

I'm gonna get to onderland yet!

Aside from just lazing around (I see the doctor on Thursday) not much going on. Been trying to get computers in order for our business and we have had some awesome storms roll in every afternoon!!

And my puppy has been keeping me company while I watch TV, amazing how you can have 300 channels and nothing is on television! 

I did share my popcorn with my puppy! He loves him some popcorn! 

OK just a quickie tonight! More later! I hope everyone is doing well!
~Chris~

Greetings from the land of no anesthesia and no pain killers!!!

Hello there blogland!!

It's been a week since surgery and all in all I think I am doing well. I have come off of the pain killers and although I am not 100% pain free, I'm close enough.

I didn't weigh in this past Monday. I decided to skip it. I do have to say, the hospital scale was awesome! It said 205.4! I have no proof tho, didn't snap a picture.

In the hospital overnight and home Thursday. I am on restriction of everything for basically the next 5 weeks. I have one more week of nothing. I can move around the house but aside from that I need to take it easy. Do nothing that requires use of abdominal muscles. Which I am kind of finding out is everything LOL. He said no coughing, sneezing or vomiting either.

Basically the next 4 weeks after that are light basically leisurely walking. Nothing that is going to create pounding. Definitely don't want to have to repeat this surgery again!!

I have some awesome friends! They have been cooking for me! D made Chicken Parmesan, it was awesome!

Then my lovely made the most amazing eggs I think I have ever had! Scrambled with avocado, tomatoes and that green tobacco jalapeño sauce!

Then she made me my most favorite Chicken Saltimbocca!! OMG it was so good!! Angel hair is my new favorite pasta!

Last night my hubby made Chicken fried steak. It was really good. I have to say I was impressed! Who knew!

 

Now if I could get the kids to clean life would be super grand!!

 

I've gotten a few so sweet cards and gifts too! I was told the wine is for later! Chicken soup was really good!

So now that the effects of the pain meds and the anesthesia have gone I am loving my scale!!! It said 204 this morning! Yes I am still weighing everyday. I am terrified I am going to gain weight during this non-exercising duration. But the official weigh in day isn't until Monday so we wait on the weight!!

 

Sunday we got some serious rain! We had floods in the front and the back of the house. Talk about a down pour! Holy goodness! Where are the sidewalks?!?!

OK enough for today, I hope everyone has a great day!

 

Hugs!

~Chris~