Hello there....I know it's been a few days...
I am still here. I have been really busting my butt working out and working on getting my eating under control. It's coming along but it is been slow.
What have I been doing?!?!
I have done Zumba on my Wii twice, I have used the elliptical 3 times I think, I have ran on the treadmill twice, strength trained twice, done EA active. I have burned between 300 and 600 calories a day. And I have worked out every day this week except Monday. So I have 5 days in this week. On the work out front I am doing great! Tomorrow will probably be a rest day.
Todays workout, 20 minutes on the elliptical, 15 minutes running on the treadmill and 20 minutes strength training.
On the food front its been better but not really good enough. I have been eating even when I am not hungry, eating just to eat. I have been pumping the water for the last 3 days though.
I have been doing a lot of thinking. I am depressed, and I know it. I just don't know how to get out of it. I've been here before. When I was in high school I was suicidal I was so depressed. As an adult I am not suicidal any more, and for the most part I haven't been depressed. But this last month I feel 2 inches tall, riddled with guilt, and like a failure.
I go to my therapist on Wednesday, I really want to talk to her. I really need something, I just wish I knew what it was. I know this all stems from what happened with my mother. But I never imagined I would struggle like this.
The good news? I know what is going on with me, and I am working to fix it. I'm trying....
Tuesday night I died my hair. It was getting too blonde so I went back to my natural color. Brown.
And I took a new pitcture
I am happy with the color!
But....
To top every thing off I went and got a hair cut, my hair was pretty dry and really needed to be cut. It came out way to short and I really don't like it. It makes me feel worse.
Usually I wouldn't really care what my hair looked like...It's only hair, it will grow back. But right now, it just makes me feel worse. SO Tomorrow I am getting hair extensions. I just don't need another reason to be disgusted when I look in the mirror.
My youngest had a band concert Wednesday. The kids all did a great job!
OK I think that's enough semi depressing blogging for the day. So on that note! Have a great night folks. Tomorrow is a volleyball day. And hair extensions!
Oh today's eating was good until I went to lunch with my daughter. I'm still trying....
Sweet Dreams!
~Chris~
