Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Still here....

Hi there! Yes I am still here. This is the final few days at work so I've been quiet. I haven't really worked out, I went swimming yesterday and somehow hurt my back so moving has been a bit challenging. So I didn't do anything today.

I have to get on my food log too. I've been slacking there too. I think I am retaining water too. Tomorrow is my last working day. Friday I only have to go in to sign papers and then head home. Hopefully tomorrow I can get back on track a bit more. Slightly depressing week.

Anyway, not much else to say today. So I hope everyone had a great Hump Day! Keep smiling! I'm still trying!!

Cheers all!!


Monday, May 27, 2013

Mad Monday Weigh In & Weekend Recap...

Happy Memorial day! And Thank you to all who serve and have served!
This weeks weight!?!? 208.2!! Loss of 4.6 lbs!! Awesome! So excited about this. I buckled down last week, got a fill and was super careful with my portions. I exercised pretty good last week too! Struggling with the sugar, not doing great with that, but I am working on moderation in that area!
So my totals are:
66.6 lbs down since 8/22/12!
52.0 lbs down since surgery on 10/15/12!
This is a great hurdle for me! This officially moves me past my 1/2 way point, 63.2 lbs to go! 
Weekend recap! It has been super busy.
Friday was a short day at work because of the holiday weekend. The office closed early so I worked out in the gym there. I ran about 2.5 miles broken up, not all at once, for a total of an hour. Then the elliptical for 15 minutes. Friday night was mello.

Saturday morning I decided on a bike ride. My daughter decided she wanted to go with me, so we went 12.4 miles. My longest bike ride yet! Took about 1 1/2 hours, but it was a good ride! 607 calories burned!
Sunday was a run day. I woke up way early, so I left early. We had a birthday party to throw that afternoon so it was probably a good think I was up early. My run was great!! I have shaved 2 minutes off my mile coming in around 14 minutes per mile (I was running closer to a 16 + minute mile)! I was able to run 3.1 miles Sunday morning! And I'm not exactly sure what the runners high is, but I felt energized almost the entire time! My legs were not sore, my second and third mile was faster than my 1st and my stride felt smooth! It was so great!! 544 calories burned! 
My 7 month bandiversary was about 2 weeks ago. Totally spaced that out. I have reached a couple of NSV's since then! This weekend I noticed these 3. 1) When I would drive my care in the past, my belly came about 1 inch from the steering wheel. 2) Those shorts are jean shorts I haven't worn in years!!
3) I went out and got a new outfit for my nephews birthday party Sunday afternoon. Both the shorts and the halter top are XL, instead of XXXL. This stuff never would have fit before and I would never of worn anything like this!
My nephew turns 10 Tuesday night! So we celebrated Sunday, We had a good time socializing, and celebrating!
Today became a rest day inadvertently. We had errands to run and then I spent time by the pool. All good! And I haven't tracked my calorie intake for a couple of days. I will get back on track tomorrow.
This week is my last week at work. 3 days left. Friday will be a short day and I expect to be home by 11 am.
OK, enough for tonight, I am going to try to get caught up on every one's blogs tomorrow. I hope everyone had a great weekend!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

6th fill yesterday!

Well it has been a super lazy 3 days! I didn't workout yesterday either. For some reason I am exhausted. My eyes even burn...

Court yesterday was quick and short. We are scheduled to meet with the DA in a month. I would really like to keep this off her permanent record. So we are hoping to make a deal and have her work it off.

So yesterday we were done with court by 8:30 in the morning. So we went and got our eyes checked (all good there!). I had lasik several years ago and I am still seeing perfectly!

Then I went for my 6th fill. She added .5 cc's yesterday. So I now have 7.3 cc's in my 10 cc band. Yesterday & today were liquid days, although I did have some soft foods today.

My sugar detox is not going well. I'm not going to harp on it right now. Things are not going well, I kind of feel like things are falling apart around me and I've been trying to get out of my head (if that makes any sense) for the last few days.

On the upside, my scale is showing me great things this week!! No sneak peek! It's not official until Monday! I'm crossing my fingers! But I have a feeling it's gonna be good!

I did swim today and I swam pretty hard. Tomorrow is a short day at work because of the holiday weekend so I intend to head into the gym and then swim tomorrow too. If I get home early enough I might go for a bike ride too.

This weekend we are having my nephews birthday party Sunday. I am looking forward to the 3 day weekend but I am starting to worry about the changes coming. But I am trying to keep a positive outlook on things. SO..

I cant think of much else to say right now, so I'm gonna sign off for now.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Long day...decent numbers....

Had my second visit with the psychologist today. It was emotional. I have a long way to go but I left with some things to work on. Maybe more on that later.

Food day wasn't to bad. I wasn't able to stay away from the candy. But it was in moderation.

Calories: 1292.06
Fat: 48.85
Sugar: 76.07 (Yes I know this is too high)
Protein: 65.21 ( a tad low)

I didn't work out today, I feel exhausted.

Tomorrow is my daughters court date. I hope everything goes well.

Anyway, Sleep well all! And thanks for stopping by.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Monday's Nutrition & Exercise

OK Here it is....Monday's nutrition...

Calories - 1018.83
Fat - 56.83
Sugar - 35.50
Protein - 69.83

Exercise, I worked on the treadmill for 35 minutes today. I tried to jog for 30 minutes but I just couldn't do it. So I walked briskly for 35 minutes. Then I spent 15 minutes on the elliptical. And I swam for 30 minutes. Burned around 400 calories.

All in all..... a Good day!

Mad Monday Weigh in....Back to the basics...

Back to the basics! I am doing SO bad!!! I don't know what my problem is but I really need to figure it out FAST!!
Today's weigh in.....212.8! Gain of 2 lbs. NOT GOOD!! All I know, is thank goodness it wasn't more.
So my totals are:
62.0 lbs down since 8/22/12!
47.4 lbs down since surgery on 10/15/12!

How did this happen?!?! I totally know how, yep, it's called eating out, Cheesecake, Chocolate cake, Carrot Cake, baby bundt cakes, oh and 2 trips to DQ!! And that's not even counting the 2 or maybe 3 frappuccino's I had this past week! Was it good?!?! ABSOLUTELY!!! Was it worth it?!?! NO not really!

Have I been holding myself accountable?!?! Eh, maybe, I know what I have done, there is no one to blame and I am not going to use everything going on around me as an excuse. Why? Because I thought about my weight every time I put something in my mouth and I could have chosen not to eat it!

Am I beating myself up after the fact?!?! Of Course! Do I need to move on?!?! YEP!! Let it go Chris!

What have I not been doing?!?! Logging religiously, making sure not to drink 30 minutes before/after or during, blogging. Reasons?!?! Self-punishment for life's happenings? TOTALLY! Depressed? yep! Lazy? Maybe! Lack of GAD (Give-A-Damn)? Basically!

Don't you just love how I can remember every wrong thing I did?!?!

So now what?!?! Let me look at what I did do right.....
Tuesday - Jogged 3.25 miles on the treadmill, Swim (600 Calories)
Wednesday - Swim, 4.37 mile bike ride (350 calories)
Thursday - Swim (100 Calories), Painted with a friend I hadn't seen in forever!
We had fun! We drank wine and painted wine glasses. Well we didn't paint actual glasses. Here is my painting.
Friday - Swim (100 Calories)
Saturday - Biked 6.21 miles, Jogged 3.2 miles outside in the beautiful weather (800 Calories) (I took pictures because I was amazed!)
Sunday - Biked 8.17 miles (360 calories)

What's planned for today? I had lunch about an hour ago, so I am heading into the gym around 2 - 2:30 today, I am going to use the treadmill for about 30 minutes and use the elliptical for about 30 minutes. Then I swim tonight at 5.

I went back and recreated my food log from Thursday though the weekend. Thursday, Friday & Saturday are looking pretty scary. So was my water intake!

Yesterday wasn't horrible and today I am off to a good start. I am working on staying away from sugar and bread of all kinds. It's evil! I am convinced!! This will be darn hard!

Today I had a 1/2 of a Baja Turkey Club left over from Red Robin last week. I threw the bread, the bacon, and the cheese away and just ate the turkey and a couple of green chilis with some egg salad I brought today. And I have had 72 oz of water so far. I will post today's totals later tonight. I am going to start posting my food log.

I did buy a bike. Friday night. I had to go on the cheap side. Things are a tad tight right now. So I did go to Walmart and I got a mountain bike. I replaced the seat right away and of course I got a helmet too. My daughter's bike was a tad small, but it was dual suspension and I like that. So I wanted a dual suspension bike. I talked to a few biker friends at work and found a bike that put my leg in the right position and it doesn't hurt my knees when I ride. The reviews online are so-so for this bike but so far I like it. It's a Huffy Rock Creek bike. I think it will be a good starter bike for me.
Yesterday the girls and I went painting because they were doing a fundraiser for the Children's Hospital. It was a dream catcher night. Was so much fun! Wanna see our paintings?!?!? Here's mine, and K's & J's! I drank water! No wine!
The weather has been so nice! Last night was a bit breezy! I was cold, I think my puppy knew it. He laid with me to keep my tootsies warm.
OK I'm sad, my shows are all over now. I have to wait until late September early October before they come on again. Obsessive much?!?! My hubby found an old jacket he had from years ago that has been in a box in the basement. It looks like one of the ones that Dean wears on Supernatural! YAY! I have a Dean Jacket!!
OK All, Have a great afternoon! Thanks for listening to me rant!

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

First time in 21 years!!

I rode a bicycle today!

Today was a stressful day. Not because of work, but because today I had to deal with some stuff regarding the custody case I am in over my nephew. Well lets just say that dealing with his father and some other members of my family drive me crazy. Needless to day I was frustrated today. Apparently being frustrated makes me exercise harder. Don't like being that way though!

I think I need an alone vacation. You know, one of those vacations where you go out of state and go somewhere no one knows you. Where you can just be you and not have to worry about what anyone has to say about anything.

On to the updates. So yesterday I swam and it was a run day. I burned about 600 calories yesterday, I was determined to get a full 5K in on the treadmill. I hadn't done one since the 5th so I got on the treadmill and turned on an episode of Supernatural, and 50 minutes later, sure enough I was at 3.25 miles! WOO HOO!! And I ran it faster then I have been!! I ran at 4 MPH for the majority of it. So that is 3 - 5K's in the books for me!!
Last week I went to the doctors for a few things. I'm trying to get all tuned up before I lose my insurance. I asked him about some occasional knee pain that I have and he said he wants me to use a bike because its easier on my knees. So tonight after I swam, I came home and ate dinner. I was planning on sitting around and watching tv the rest of the night. I was just going to swim and make it a light day, but I decided I wanted to go try the bike. So I got my daughters mountain bike out and went for a ride! Knee brace and all! I haven't been on a bicycle in 21 years. I was  able to go 4.37 miles today which considering it was the first time in like forever I thought was pretty good. I did 4 miles in 28 minutes. An average of 8 MPH. Not horrible!! I will keep working on it. I need to get a different bike I think. My daughters bike feels like my knees are in my chest.
Any suggestions?? Help on this topic is greatly appreciated.
Tomorrow I am leaving work early to go see another doctor about my tailbone pain and my other hernia. I am then swimming and getting together with a dear friend of mine. I haven't seen her in what seems like forever. We are both always so busy. But tomorrow we are going to dinner and then going painting! This is what we will be painting tomorrow night!
My shows all end for the season this week. I'm sad. :-( Supernatural and Arrow have the season finale tonight and Beauty and the Beast is tomorrow. I might cry!! So "Carry On My Wayward Son." I am off to watch Arrow and Supernatural. I will cry later!
Anywho... I hope everyone has a good evening! And thanks for stopping by!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Mad Monday Weigh In and Weekend update....

And my results this week are 0! No change from last week. This was expected. Although I did see a slight ray of hope when the scale flashed 209.8 Saturday morning. Discouraged, no not really. I didn't really work out much this last week and I ate a ton of sweets this weekend. Including a trip to DQ.... So no surprise but glad I didn't gain.
So my totals are:
64.0 lbs down since 8/22/12!
49.4 lbs down since surgery on 10/15/12!

I do have to say though, I think I am retaining water. The weather is getting warmer and my rings are feeling tighter. And I totally did not drink enough water this weekend!

Saturday was beautiful! It was like 70's here and I was loving it! I got up and tried to do my run and just couldn't do the full 5K. I still went 3 miles, but I only ran about 2.25 and walked the rest. And I didn't run that 2.25 all at once. It was broken up. I think I'm going to try again this afternoon. Still good that I was doing something besides sitting all weekend!
The hubby and I also took the bikes for a ride Saturday! I absolutely love being on my bike. My mind is clear and I think of nothing else except the road in front of me. We only went about 50 miles but it was relaxing! We stopped for lunch at Bakers Street Pub where he's been wanting to try and then headed home. We shared 2 deserts and brought 1/2 of those home. (Shouldn't have done that!) Then we headed home and made burgers for the kids. I was totally not hungry. But I ate a burger anyway. Just the meat but none the less I ate and I wasn't hungry. My daughter polished off the rest of the deserts we brought home thank goodness.

Unfortunately the stress that blew off of the bike came back when we got home to find that my nephew had kicked his soccer ball into our front window. So now we have to replace that! Luckily it was only the outside pane and the windows are double paned. Just not something I needed right now on top of the dreaded court costs I am expecting next week when we go to court with my daughter for her bad decision.

OK Fast forward to Sunday! Mother's Day kind of has an entirely new meaning for me this year. I am not sure what exactly it is but I think it might be the new appreciation I have for my kids and my immediate family.

I got up around 9 and got in my workout clothes, I spent 30 minutes on the elliptical and then did some bicycle crunches and a core workout that uses an exercise ball. Not sure what those are called. According to the elliptical I went about 3.4 miles, and I know the calorie burn is a bit off of what it says.
I wasn't really expecting much of a Mother's Day after this last year, but I was VERY surprised. My kids (including my nephew) were so creative this year. And I cried, this year felt so different and meant so much more. My daughter's painted and baked, (my nephew helped! He was sure to point this out. He took credit for the Superman cup and magnet too! LOL) My youngest painted the vase and flowers and my oldest painted the quote. It reads "Every child's story begins with a Mother." And the card said how wonderful they both thought I was and how thankful they were to have me over this last year. Instant water works! My nephew even hugged me! I was floored.
On top of all this, my husband got me a sweet card and a gift certificate to Michael's so I can go buy painting supplies to get started. There was a lot of thought put into this year.

I wore a dress for the first time ever! The only other time I have worn a dress was when I was in weddings. My daughter's even commented and said "WOW Mom You're wearing a dress! I have never seen you in a dress!" My knees don't look ridiculously fat either. I know it's not a form fitting dress, baby steps people :) LOL.
We were headed to my mothers for Mother's Day. It was the first time since 2009 that there has been peace in our family for Mother's Day so we all got together. The first time in that long that my sister was clean, sober and wanting to be a part of our family. I made sure to bring my camera so we could document the occasion. I don't know if I will ever like pictures of me like this. I still look huge!
All in all it was a good day. When we got home I took my daughters to the store and my oldest got some permit driving time in. We were talking in the car and I apologized to her for flipping out when she got in trouble for shoplifting. She said "Mom, don't be sorry, you have every right to react the way you did and I take full responsibility for it. I would have reacted the same way if it was my daughter." And then later when I was telling her she handled the criticism from the family well during our Mother's Day dinner she said, "I'm in no place to argue with anyone. What I did was wrong." While I don't condone what she did, I am proud of her and happy with the realizations she has come to over this. It does show me that she is growing up and I don't believe we will have an issue like this again.

Later that night right before I went to bed, my youngest daughter posted this on Facebook.

It was a very emotional day for me. And I saw things differently. It was like I was on the outside looking in. I am still me and nothing has really changed. I will still have my rants, and lose my temper, and the kids and the hubby will still drive me bonkers. But maybe, we have all matured a little more this year. It was a good day.

I am making changes and working on me from the outside in, sometimes simultaneously. I even got braces last week for the second time in my 40 years. They are a little sore :)
So I will continue to search for that inner peace that we all seem to be looking for. But for now I will celebrate what I consider my first step in the right direction. Thanks for stopping by :)

Friday, May 10, 2013

Just let me say...

thank you for all the support. The comments I have received on the last couple of blogs have really helped me here. It's nice to know that there are people that have gone through these bad years and are thriving now. It totally gives me hope that I will make it through, I know there are so many that have worse things going on. Sometimes my life seems insignificant compared to some of what I have read. But when it's happening it feels like the worst.

Anyway, I am really enjoying the painting. I am going to invest in some paints and canvas and continue doing this at home. It is so relaxing and it is something I totally enjoy doing. So last night I went and painted a picture for my Mom all alone. It was great to get out and focus on clearing my head. Here is my finished product from last night. I am very happy with the way this turned out! It is my second painting.
Tonight I thought it would be great if the kids painted for Grammie too! So I took my daughters to paint a picture for Grammie (my mom), they did a great job. SO these are the 3 pictures my mom will receive for Mother's Day!
And my nephew painted a picture for his mom (my sister). She will receive this on Mother's day!
The kids all did a great job! Since I painted the flower pot for my mom the night before I painted a picture for me! I like it! It is very festive. And after 3 I am getting much better!
I really try to spend time with the girls. Our family has been through so much these last few years that the relationship I maintain with them is super important to me. So our group outing tonight was painting. It's something we all enjoy! Even my nephew!
I have completed 3 paintings so far. My first one is one the left. My light posts need work LOL. And my people do too! I might take another stab at the first one when I get all my home stuff set up. The coolest thing about this place I go to paint is they walk you through each step of the painting. You don't have to be an artist. If there are places like this is your area I highly recommend them! Have a glass of wine while your there! :)
Tomorrow is a run day! I am going to aim for 3.1 miles! I have 2 under my belt so far so I know I can do it! Hopefully the weather will hold out so I can do it outside tomorrow. The forecast is good! If I can talk the girls into it I would like to go play tennis tomorrow too.
Exercise today was not happening. I went to parent/teacher conferences around noon and then ran 2 of the kids to the dentist for a check up and cleaning and then we went painting. So another busy day. This weekend will be better. I hope all the moms out there have a great Mother's day. And of course a great weekend to everyone!
Thanks for stopping by :)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Absentie blog....

Sorry I have been MIA this week. Last time I blogged was Monday. I have been trying to catch up on my blog reading, I haven't done too much commenting tho.

Thank you all for your support and reassuring comments on Monday's post!

The last few day's have been sluggish. I am just so tired this week. I don't know if it has something to do with all the Sunday happenings or what. Tuesday was a run day. I just didn't have the strength of the desire to do it. I felt worn out. So I didn't make it the 3.1 miles I was trying for. I walked for 10 minutes, jogged for about 30 minutes and then rode the bike for 20. Still got a workout in but it wasn't overly exerting. Didn't swim either that day.

Wednesday we had dentist appointments and I just didn't do anything. Today was supposed to be a run day but I ran out of time at work so I am just going to swim at 3:30. So today will be kind of low key. I feel sluggish like and exhausted.

Tonight I am going to paint again. This was a last minute decision. I was supposed to go to support group but I think I would rather spend some time alone. I am going to do a painting for my mom for mothers day. This is the one the class is painting tonight.
Painting is something I have always enjoyed, but I haven't painted in 25 years. When I was in high school I use to oil paint all the time. But somehow life got in the way and I stopped writing, painting & sketching. I really do think it is therapeutic for me. And I like spending time alone. I really need to clear my head right now and get back in the right frame of mind. So tonight I will paint and have a glass of wine at the same time.

My daughter and I have spent some time together since her incident. We have had long talks and even gone out for frozen yogurt. She has been non-argumentative and is doing whatever I ask. She knows what she did was wrong and over the top and she is working to make up for it. I'm still disappointed but I know this is something most teenagers do. Hell, I even did it once when I was young. I got caught too but the consequences were nothing compared to now.

There are officially 15 days left here at my place of employment. At this point, I am ready for it to be over. It is time for a change. My nephew is moving to his fathers house this summer so our family will have a new start. A new beginning. If there is anything I have learned over the last 7 months of this journey it is that everyday is a new day, a new beginning. What better way to start that then with a new job, a new outlook on the future. The last 4 years have been pretty nightmarish and it all started when my dad passed in 2009. Since then we had a family fall out, my sister destroyed her relationship with me and my mother, she refused to let us see my nephew, she started doing drugs heavily, she was divorced, my mother had a nervous breakdown, my daughter tried alcohol & marijuana & theft, I got court ordered custody of my nephew and have been in a battle with his father for the last 11 months & I have lost my job of 7 years. I have reached my max and need something to give. 

I am going to talk to someone next week. The counselor at the bariatric clinic. I think this might help in my current mind frame. I feel depressed and stressed. I have done so much to work on me over the last year that I have to keep doing that regardless of the obstacles placed in front of me.'s to keepin' on keepin' on! 
Now back to your blogs! Thanks for stopping by!