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Thursday, May 9, 2013

Absentie blog....

Sorry I have been MIA this week. Last time I blogged was Monday. I have been trying to catch up on my blog reading, I haven't done too much commenting tho.

Thank you all for your support and reassuring comments on Monday's post!

The last few day's have been sluggish. I am just so tired this week. I don't know if it has something to do with all the Sunday happenings or what. Tuesday was a run day. I just didn't have the strength of the desire to do it. I felt worn out. So I didn't make it the 3.1 miles I was trying for. I walked for 10 minutes, jogged for about 30 minutes and then rode the bike for 20. Still got a workout in but it wasn't overly exerting. Didn't swim either that day.

Wednesday we had dentist appointments and I just didn't do anything. Today was supposed to be a run day but I ran out of time at work so I am just going to swim at 3:30. So today will be kind of low key. I feel sluggish like and exhausted.

Tonight I am going to paint again. This was a last minute decision. I was supposed to go to support group but I think I would rather spend some time alone. I am going to do a painting for my mom for mothers day. This is the one the class is painting tonight.
Painting is something I have always enjoyed, but I haven't painted in 25 years. When I was in high school I use to oil paint all the time. But somehow life got in the way and I stopped writing, painting & sketching. I really do think it is therapeutic for me. And I like spending time alone. I really need to clear my head right now and get back in the right frame of mind. So tonight I will paint and have a glass of wine at the same time.

My daughter and I have spent some time together since her incident. We have had long talks and even gone out for frozen yogurt. She has been non-argumentative and is doing whatever I ask. She knows what she did was wrong and over the top and she is working to make up for it. I'm still disappointed but I know this is something most teenagers do. Hell, I even did it once when I was young. I got caught too but the consequences were nothing compared to now.

There are officially 15 days left here at my place of employment. At this point, I am ready for it to be over. It is time for a change. My nephew is moving to his fathers house this summer so our family will have a new start. A new beginning. If there is anything I have learned over the last 7 months of this journey it is that everyday is a new day, a new beginning. What better way to start that then with a new job, a new outlook on the future. The last 4 years have been pretty nightmarish and it all started when my dad passed in 2009. Since then we had a family fall out, my sister destroyed her relationship with me and my mother, she refused to let us see my nephew, she started doing drugs heavily, she was divorced, my mother had a nervous breakdown, my daughter tried alcohol & marijuana & theft, I got court ordered custody of my nephew and have been in a battle with his father for the last 11 months & I have lost my job of 7 years. I have reached my max and need something to give. 

I am going to talk to someone next week. The counselor at the bariatric clinic. I think this might help in my current mind frame. I feel depressed and stressed. I have done so much to work on me over the last year that I have to keep doing that regardless of the obstacles placed in front of me. So....here's to keepin' on keepin' on! 
Now back to your blogs! Thanks for stopping by!

13 comments:

  1. I hope you enjoy your time painting tonight... boy how I wish I had any skills in that department!

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  2. Good God girl - who wouldn't buckle under all that stress? You're doing great to still be standing if you ask me. I'll keep you in my prayers.

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  3. What an awesome mom you are! Taking your daughter out for yogurt to talk the same week as all the drama. Both my daughters are in their 30's and have deep, deep, momma issues because their momma was the Great NON-communicator. Considering the pile on your plate, you are a crisis manager.

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  4. im so happy to know that you are going to go and talk to someone. i hope that it helps to have someone (other than us) to have someone to talk to

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  5. You have had so much to deal with, and look how much you've achieved! You are so strong and should be proud of what you've come through. Talking to someone when overwhelmed is always the right thing to do, thinking of you x

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  6. Ya know, it is that focus on yourself that is making you strong enough now to handle these changes. I doubt the woman of before would have the strength/courage to talk to someone when this depressing stuff happened. You are really a cool chic! Take care of you!!!

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  7. Reading this I am struck by how measured and mature your responses are. Talking about seeing the therapist, taking care of yourself with some alone time and painting - I think it's great. You've been through a lot in these past years and I am so glad you are looking forward to your fresh start.

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  8. I hope you have a nice relaxing time painting tonight..sometimes I just have to concentrate on one foot in front of the other..because things can become so overwhelming...Your a strong woman and I am happy about your positive outlook!

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  9. Good luck with your bariatric counselor visit--I think it's such a great idea that you're doing that!! I'm sorry this has been such a rough week...keep your head up :) Have fun painting tonight!!

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  10. I agree with others...I'm so glad you are painting, seeing the counselor, thinking of ways to try to feed your spirit and get through all life is throwing at you right now. If you want to - take a photo of the picture after to share - I'd love to see it. :-) I love the idea of doing more artistic things, I need to look into that, too. :-)

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  11. Omg! You are having some of those cursed years. I had mine in 2009-2011, which was the most awfulest time of my life--I cried and cried, and then ate, and then cried more. I had AB surgery, I was in a car accident, most despicable m-i-l moved in our home to complain for an entire year straight, I got Lyme disease, We lived in a cheap motel room for a month, year-long foreclosed house rehab, house move, flood in office, office burglary, etc... When b****y m-in-l finally moved out in 2011, the sun once again shined upon me.

    So I totally relate to what you're saying, and I feel bad all of that is happening to you. It somehow helped me feel a little better when a gym friend confided in details of a cursed year they had. A lot of us have had everything bad happen at once.

    :-) Marion

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  12. I'm sending lots of good thoughts to you and your family. Stay strong!

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  13. That is a lot on your plate. Glad to see you're doing things to take care of you. Sending strength your way!

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