The good!
Monday and Tuesday were pretty great for the first two days back. My exercise was good, eating was mediocre and being back to the land of blogging is fantastic.
I have to tell you, you are a fantabulous group of people. The amount of support and caring that happens among complete strangers is amazing to me and I am ecstatic to be a part of it! THANK YOU!
The bad...
Wednesday I seemed to eat better then the previous two days, but exercise was completely non existent because i was at work until 9:30 pm. Self employed!! Some times I work a 45 hour week sometimes its more like 60 hours.
The Ugly!!!!
Today was so horrible. Started out great! Food was spot on early in the day. But the busier we got at work the more I found myself reaching for anything because I was on the run. I ate so much for dinner my stomach hurts. And I passed up on the exercise today because I was doing homework from the time we got home until about 10 minutes ago. I'm exhausted and I think its all the sugar and crap food I had today.
So I am considering Wednesday and Thursday my rest days LOL. I will work out tomorrow, and go to the gym Saturday and Sunday. And somehow squeeze two 3 page papers in there by Sunday night.
OK Enough from me....My eyes are closing! Thank you again for you. My blog friends are fabulously wonderful!
Sweet Dreams!
Chris
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
One day at time....The day after confession...
Here we are, the day after confession.
Compared to other recent days I would consider today a good day. Why? I actually worked out today. Completed day 1 of week 1 of the C25K and did about 10 solid minutes of kickboxing.
My food choices were great until after I finished working out this morning. 3 donuts and 1/2 cup of ice cream. Baby steps.... This is an improvement from days past.
I have decided to track my food, exercise and daily nutrition with MyFitnessPal and Fitbit. The Fitbit is charging at the moment.
I will make my weigh in days Monday. I started today at 250. That is the number to reduce. Slowly working to get back into the good old habits.
Today I have consumed 1665 calories of food and burned 360 from exercise. Tomorrow I work a little harder on the calorie intake and major reduction of the junk food.
Have to find healthier ways to satisfy that sweet tooth.
So, I carry on.....Good night, sweet dreams, positive thoughts. I got this! I can do this!
Chris
Compared to other recent days I would consider today a good day. Why? I actually worked out today. Completed day 1 of week 1 of the C25K and did about 10 solid minutes of kickboxing.
My food choices were great until after I finished working out this morning. 3 donuts and 1/2 cup of ice cream. Baby steps.... This is an improvement from days past.
I have decided to track my food, exercise and daily nutrition with MyFitnessPal and Fitbit. The Fitbit is charging at the moment.
I will make my weigh in days Monday. I started today at 250. That is the number to reduce. Slowly working to get back into the good old habits.
Today I have consumed 1665 calories of food and burned 360 from exercise. Tomorrow I work a little harder on the calorie intake and major reduction of the junk food.
Have to find healthier ways to satisfy that sweet tooth.
So, I carry on.....Good night, sweet dreams, positive thoughts. I got this! I can do this!
Chris
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Proven fact! No support + Old routine +Lack of will = Epic Fail
Without a doubt I can say that I have drifted far from where I was 1 1/2 years ago to now. I was in a much better place back then. I was motivated and successfully using my band as a tool. Now I have all but abandoned by band and the lifestyle I was working towards and I have gained back almost all of the weight I originally lost. Depressed? YES! Full of excuses? NO. I know exactly why this happened and how I got here.
I know there were many out there that were following my journey, I am sorry to report and to disappoint. I have to get back on board and start plugging away again. So tomorrow I start again. One think about tomorrow is it is always a new day. So we try again. And again and again.
So I send this failure to the cosmic void. I have been gone for forever, and struggling to find the courage and the will to come back. I'm considering this confession my first step. Here is to tomorrow.
Chris
I know there were many out there that were following my journey, I am sorry to report and to disappoint. I have to get back on board and start plugging away again. So tomorrow I start again. One think about tomorrow is it is always a new day. So we try again. And again and again.
So I send this failure to the cosmic void. I have been gone for forever, and struggling to find the courage and the will to come back. I'm considering this confession my first step. Here is to tomorrow.
Chris
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Gone but not forgotten......
It has been basically 4 months since I last posted. Although I have thought about my blog everyday since Feb 22nd. I have a story to tell and I have been trying to figure out how to tell it.
As far as my weight loss progress goes....I have completely fallen off the wagon. I have gained about 7 more lbs. Now weighing 226.8. I was down to 208 last July. I am completely going backwards. It is incredibly depressing. But.....I've kind of put that on the back burner.
Bottom line.....My sister is a drug addict. It has destroyed her, her life, her son, our mother, our father, and me. I have been struggling personally for many years. Not just with my weight, but with a family that has been destroyed because of bad choices, lack of love, and abandonment. The amount of people affected by this situation is crazy.
Everyone has a sob story. I have told myself that for years. I have told everyone that for years. I am no different. The difference is how I see my sob story and where it has taken me. If I had not lived my sob story, I believe I would not be the person I am today.
My sob story has made me stronger, more humble, more patient, and helped me feel at peace. It has also made me colder, harder, less sympathetic, and in some cases, weaker.
I'm going to share my story, on the internet for the world to see. And if no one reads it, ya know, that would be ok. What was that line in "you've got mail"? One of my favorite movies, Oh yes, here it is:
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."
Where should I begin, lets start where I left off 3 months ago before we go back to the beginning. Telling a story is never quick, so lets start at the end and then we will start at the beginning another day.
Just over 4 months ago, I received a call from my sister telling me she was being followed by people that were trying to kill her. I have struggled with whether or not I believe her for so long. Drugs were the first thing that came to mind. The things she was telling me sounded so surreal. I mean seriously, this is the stuff you hear about in movies. She was on the run, running from these people, running for her life.
I called the police, so did my mother and so did my sister. The police told us she was just being paranoid and that her and her boyfriend were doing drugs. This sounded so believable! But I played along with my sister and listened to her as she tried to flee. She has cried wolf so many times that no one takes her seriously. We have been angry with her for so long that I think I am numb.
The straw that broke the camels back was when she called me at work and asked me where my children were. She had me panicked. "Are they at school?" "Are you sure they made it there?" "I think the girls are in danger". I went flying out of work calling the school and to make sure the girls were there. This was a terrifying thought.
My sister still doesn't realize how devastating this was. A few days after this incident, she called and asked me for money. I refused to give her money. I still refuse to give her money. And that was the last I heard from her for 5 weeks.
I searched for her everyday, alone, and didn't tell anyone I was looking. I spoke to no one about my feelings or my thoughts. After all, everyone thought I was nuts for actually caring what happened to her. So I waited, kept my thoughts to myself, but I waited. I waited for the phone to ring telling me they had found my sisters body, or telling me she was arrested. Anything, SOMETHING! I've been told I was grieving. But how do you grieve for someone who is still alive?
My heart broke everyday. I think to myself often that it would be better if I did get the call saying she was gone. At least that way the pain would stop and I could move on. Selfish of me? Maybe. But my mom, her son, at least there would be closure. Instead we wait. We grieve everyday wondering what is happening. I heard it from everyone. No one ever asked how I was handling things, just if I had heard from her.
So I turned it off. All emotion, feelings, relationships. I turned it all of, for months. About 2 months later I finally got a call. Not from the police or the morgue, but from my sister. My baby sister. She was in tears. Stranded in Texas. Her boyfriend had been arrested and was being extradited back to northern Colorado. She had no money, and knew no one. She had been sleeping in her car and trying to figure out how to get back to Colorado.
Now, you have to understand something. Maybe I am the type of person that feels the need to take care of everyone. Or maybe, I started taking care of people at such a young age that I don't know how to stop. Fact of the matter is, I was the one that took care of my siblings when we were younger. I was the one they turned to when they needed help, felt lost, or just wanted to feel loved.
I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers. Some of us have different fathers, some different mothers, and some not blood related at all. But this particular sister, I grew up with. We lived in the same house for 14 years. She was born when I was 7, and I protected her from an abusive mother. So I found myself unable to leave her stranded.
She asked for money so she could get back which I refused to give her. So instead I loaded a gift card she had with just enough money for gas and food to get to my house. It was a risk, but she's my baby sister and it's a risk I had to take. She kept telling me she had been clean for 2 years, and that everything that was happening was the result of an abusive husband. All the while others were telling me it's typical drug addict behavior and she was lying and manipulating as she has done for the last 5 years.
Despite the warnings, I have taken my sister in. I have chosen to love her, and to believe in her. I remember when I was devastatingly depressed at 15 and had no one to turn to. I wished there was someone there that would just take me away. No more abuse & no more pain. Luckily, whether by chance or fate, a young man I now call brother saved my life.
My sister however is not 15, she's 35. And disliked by virtually everyone in our family. But yes, I have taken her in. She has been living with me for the last 2 months. She has had to come to work with me, to the gym with me, everywhere I go she goes. I don't fully trust her yet, but we are working on that. As far as I can tell she has been clean. We have been working on rebuilding. She has been working on rebuilding. I lecture darn near everyday. I am sure she is sick of hearing it from me. But as I have told her, there are consequences for the choices she has made. I've told her I will not make this easy for her. And I've told her she is going to have to work hard to earn back the trust she has lost. e talk a lot, we spend time together, truth is.....I have really missed her. She was my best friend once, and losing her was devastating. I felt so empty, so lost, when she was gone. And I am glad she is back. Hopefully this time she will make the right choices and fight to get her life in order. I will guide her for now. Sometimes I treat her like she is a child of mine rather than my sister. But last night, she smiled and my heart felt whole again for the first time in a really long time.
We have been working out together, motivating each other to get back on track. With more than just weight loss. While most of it is water weight, I have lost 6 lbs in the last 2 weeks. I had gotten up to 232.8. I am slowly working my way back down and my sister is working her way back to me.
So as I send this blog post out to the great cosmic void, I want to say thank you if you stopped by and read all the way to the end. Thank you for all of the support you have given me. Thank you for your understanding.
I am sorry I have been gone for so long. I really want to get back on track, I want to feel successful again. So back to the basics for me. I know how to do this. I've done it before.
I have a few more things to share. Band related issues I have had, things I have figured out with Eliza along the way. If you are wondering who Eliza is see this post (Please meet Eliza!) But I am saving those for another day. Time to start blogging again!
Have a great Saturday! Thanks again for stopping by!
~Chris~
As far as my weight loss progress goes....I have completely fallen off the wagon. I have gained about 7 more lbs. Now weighing 226.8. I was down to 208 last July. I am completely going backwards. It is incredibly depressing. But.....I've kind of put that on the back burner.
Bottom line.....My sister is a drug addict. It has destroyed her, her life, her son, our mother, our father, and me. I have been struggling personally for many years. Not just with my weight, but with a family that has been destroyed because of bad choices, lack of love, and abandonment. The amount of people affected by this situation is crazy.
Everyone has a sob story. I have told myself that for years. I have told everyone that for years. I am no different. The difference is how I see my sob story and where it has taken me. If I had not lived my sob story, I believe I would not be the person I am today.
My sob story has made me stronger, more humble, more patient, and helped me feel at peace. It has also made me colder, harder, less sympathetic, and in some cases, weaker.
I'm going to share my story, on the internet for the world to see. And if no one reads it, ya know, that would be ok. What was that line in "you've got mail"? One of my favorite movies, Oh yes, here it is:
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."
Where should I begin, lets start where I left off 3 months ago before we go back to the beginning. Telling a story is never quick, so lets start at the end and then we will start at the beginning another day.
Just over 4 months ago, I received a call from my sister telling me she was being followed by people that were trying to kill her. I have struggled with whether or not I believe her for so long. Drugs were the first thing that came to mind. The things she was telling me sounded so surreal. I mean seriously, this is the stuff you hear about in movies. She was on the run, running from these people, running for her life.
I called the police, so did my mother and so did my sister. The police told us she was just being paranoid and that her and her boyfriend were doing drugs. This sounded so believable! But I played along with my sister and listened to her as she tried to flee. She has cried wolf so many times that no one takes her seriously. We have been angry with her for so long that I think I am numb.
The straw that broke the camels back was when she called me at work and asked me where my children were. She had me panicked. "Are they at school?" "Are you sure they made it there?" "I think the girls are in danger". I went flying out of work calling the school and to make sure the girls were there. This was a terrifying thought.
My sister still doesn't realize how devastating this was. A few days after this incident, she called and asked me for money. I refused to give her money. I still refuse to give her money. And that was the last I heard from her for 5 weeks.
I searched for her everyday, alone, and didn't tell anyone I was looking. I spoke to no one about my feelings or my thoughts. After all, everyone thought I was nuts for actually caring what happened to her. So I waited, kept my thoughts to myself, but I waited. I waited for the phone to ring telling me they had found my sisters body, or telling me she was arrested. Anything, SOMETHING! I've been told I was grieving. But how do you grieve for someone who is still alive?
My heart broke everyday. I think to myself often that it would be better if I did get the call saying she was gone. At least that way the pain would stop and I could move on. Selfish of me? Maybe. But my mom, her son, at least there would be closure. Instead we wait. We grieve everyday wondering what is happening. I heard it from everyone. No one ever asked how I was handling things, just if I had heard from her.
So I turned it off. All emotion, feelings, relationships. I turned it all of, for months. About 2 months later I finally got a call. Not from the police or the morgue, but from my sister. My baby sister. She was in tears. Stranded in Texas. Her boyfriend had been arrested and was being extradited back to northern Colorado. She had no money, and knew no one. She had been sleeping in her car and trying to figure out how to get back to Colorado.
Now, you have to understand something. Maybe I am the type of person that feels the need to take care of everyone. Or maybe, I started taking care of people at such a young age that I don't know how to stop. Fact of the matter is, I was the one that took care of my siblings when we were younger. I was the one they turned to when they needed help, felt lost, or just wanted to feel loved.
I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers. Some of us have different fathers, some different mothers, and some not blood related at all. But this particular sister, I grew up with. We lived in the same house for 14 years. She was born when I was 7, and I protected her from an abusive mother. So I found myself unable to leave her stranded.
She asked for money so she could get back which I refused to give her. So instead I loaded a gift card she had with just enough money for gas and food to get to my house. It was a risk, but she's my baby sister and it's a risk I had to take. She kept telling me she had been clean for 2 years, and that everything that was happening was the result of an abusive husband. All the while others were telling me it's typical drug addict behavior and she was lying and manipulating as she has done for the last 5 years.
Despite the warnings, I have taken my sister in. I have chosen to love her, and to believe in her. I remember when I was devastatingly depressed at 15 and had no one to turn to. I wished there was someone there that would just take me away. No more abuse & no more pain. Luckily, whether by chance or fate, a young man I now call brother saved my life.
My sister however is not 15, she's 35. And disliked by virtually everyone in our family. But yes, I have taken her in. She has been living with me for the last 2 months. She has had to come to work with me, to the gym with me, everywhere I go she goes. I don't fully trust her yet, but we are working on that. As far as I can tell she has been clean. We have been working on rebuilding. She has been working on rebuilding. I lecture darn near everyday. I am sure she is sick of hearing it from me. But as I have told her, there are consequences for the choices she has made. I've told her I will not make this easy for her. And I've told her she is going to have to work hard to earn back the trust she has lost. e talk a lot, we spend time together, truth is.....I have really missed her. She was my best friend once, and losing her was devastating. I felt so empty, so lost, when she was gone. And I am glad she is back. Hopefully this time she will make the right choices and fight to get her life in order. I will guide her for now. Sometimes I treat her like she is a child of mine rather than my sister. But last night, she smiled and my heart felt whole again for the first time in a really long time.
We have been working out together, motivating each other to get back on track. With more than just weight loss. While most of it is water weight, I have lost 6 lbs in the last 2 weeks. I had gotten up to 232.8. I am slowly working my way back down and my sister is working her way back to me.
So as I send this blog post out to the great cosmic void, I want to say thank you if you stopped by and read all the way to the end. Thank you for all of the support you have given me. Thank you for your understanding.
I am sorry I have been gone for so long. I really want to get back on track, I want to feel successful again. So back to the basics for me. I know how to do this. I've done it before.
I have a few more things to share. Band related issues I have had, things I have figured out with Eliza along the way. If you are wondering who Eliza is see this post (Please meet Eliza!) But I am saving those for another day. Time to start blogging again!
Have a great Saturday! Thanks again for stopping by!
~Chris~
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Crazy Month!
Howdie! How is everyone? Not much time tonight but thought I would check in. I have been super busy trying to handle some personal stuff this month. It's been crazy.
As far as weight loss. I am up 4 lbs. Sitting at 223. But I have been working out. I have been working out with a personal trainer once a week, and going to the gym 3-5 times a week. Now to get the eating under control.
I am really hoping things calm down by the end of next week. I will try to update on the months goings on soon!
Til then! Carry on! Keep pluggin! Chin up! And look forward, never back!
Cheers
~Chris~
As far as weight loss. I am up 4 lbs. Sitting at 223. But I have been working out. I have been working out with a personal trainer once a week, and going to the gym 3-5 times a week. Now to get the eating under control.
I am really hoping things calm down by the end of next week. I will try to update on the months goings on soon!
Til then! Carry on! Keep pluggin! Chin up! And look forward, never back!
Cheers
~Chris~
Sunday, January 19, 2014
GO BRONCOS!!
What a game!
Been a busy few days. I have been working out. Today was my first rest day since I started working out again this past Thursday. YAY Me! It feels good being active again. Friday I went to the gym and burned somewhere in the neighborhood of 500 calories and yesterday a friend and I went to the gym and I burned somewhere around 850 calories. I have to start bringing my phone with me so I can take pictures. I usually have my ipod and it doesn't take pictures :-{ I do have this one from Saturday. We did elliptical for 32 minutes, C25K Day 2 (30 min), and did the 30 minute workout at Bally's.
SO my Fitbit accidentally got washed a few weeks ago. I was so sad. So I emailed Fitbit support. I do have to say they have great customer service. They replaced it for me at no charge! Even better. And they sent me a pretty burgundy color one :) Which I actually like better then the black one that got washed. I had over 14,000 steps Saturday!
When my brother was here he made tortellini soup! It is so spicy! But so good.
I made Cappelletti's. He'd hadn't had them in a decades. It as fun cooking with him.
OK Time for bed. I am already tired!
I hope everyone is had a great weekend!
~Chris~
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Crazy week...
My brother was in town this past week. He came up from Texas to help me get the other house in order. We have been renting our old home out but had to evict our tenants. They left all kinds of stuff and lots of trash.
I don't think I could ever leave a place in the condition these people did. At any rate, my brother came up to help get it in order. He is the handy man type. Thank goodness he did, in a week we got it almost completely finished.
While he was here I didn't get to the gym, or any other kind of workout at all aside from the work at the house. My weight is pretty much the same. Right around 219 -220. That's ok. We had a good visit! It was worth the break. The girls and him played lots of practical jokes on each other. Such fun! Meet Lilith and Ruby!
The only weigh in I have is from 1/7/14. Here it is :) 219 lbs. a loss of .4. LOL A loss is a loss. I'm not concerned.
I don't think I could ever leave a place in the condition these people did. At any rate, my brother came up to help get it in order. He is the handy man type. Thank goodness he did, in a week we got it almost completely finished.
While he was here I didn't get to the gym, or any other kind of workout at all aside from the work at the house. My weight is pretty much the same. Right around 219 -220. That's ok. We had a good visit! It was worth the break. The girls and him played lots of practical jokes on each other. Such fun! Meet Lilith and Ruby!
These two had quite the journey this past week. They visited several parts of the house hoping to scare the poop out of someone. They were found hanging and sitting and starring. FREAKY!
They threw flour and water at each other too.
The only weigh in I have is from 1/7/14. Here it is :) 219 lbs. a loss of .4. LOL A loss is a loss. I'm not concerned.
Lastly, I have been logging my food with Myfitness pal. Look me up! auroradream
Today, I went to the gym mid afternoon. Was great! Worked out about 2 hours burned 810 calories! YAY ME!!
OK I am fading super fast. Time for bed! WOW It's 10:48 and I am going to bed! That's a miracle! ANYWHO!!
Have a great night and sleep well! More tomorrow :)
Thanks for stopping by!
~Chris~
~Chris~
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