LilySlim - Weight loss

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Happy Hump day! And Please don't hate...

How was your day?!?! Mine was, not too bad. Work was work. I am slowly running out of things to do. There are 8 weeks left until my new journey begins. So, there is a lot of Internet surfing, you tube music video watching going on today. Tomorrow I am leaving early because I am swimming at 3:30 and then I am going to watch my daughters play in a tennis match. Friday the office closes at 2. So the weekend is a coming!

Ah, and with the weekend comes...warmer weather!!! And the forecast looks dry! So Friday we are going to scope out a banquet room for my daughters Sweet 16 coming up in June, Saturday is my massage day :) Love this! And family dinner night!

I am super excited about the nice weather this weekend!! It's time to get my baby road ready and go for a ride. She's a beauty I tell ya!
She's been studded since this picture was taken back then She is not a Harley but I love my V-Star! We have bonded! I started riding in 2009. It was the summer after my dad passed away. It was actually my mom's idea. My dad loved riding so she wanted to learn after he died. So we took the class together. I love my bike! And the open road is calling!! The only time I truly have a clear mind is on the bike!

Exercise today was good, I swam for 1/2 hour and went for a 2.38 mile run when I got home tonight. I am really liking running outside! I burned about 536 calories today! My weight was down nicely this morning when I weighed, but since it's not official til Monday I won't tell :) I have also been doing well with my food choices and calorie intake. I was under 1200 calories Monday ad Tuesday and under 1300 calories today. So I've consumed 3580.60 in the last 3 days and burned 1136 exercise calories. I have averaged 814 calories a day over the last 3 days. I don't subtract my calorie burn from my daily calories typically. But its kind of cool looking at it like that!

OK, This is gonna be a long a one but, I have to go there. I read something today where having bariatric surgery is "cheating" or the "easy way out". It was a persons opinion, but none the less it bothered me a bit. They are doing it "the old fashion way" and having success. I get that, and I respect that! I tried the old fashion way for a LONG LONG LONG LONG time. In my eyes, I have been heavy my whole life. Hell, In my eyes I will always be that ugly, fat girl that no one can really truly love.

Well, I found a picture of myself from back in the 80s and I would take that body over this one any day. But, I was teased, bullied, ridiculed, depressed & abused as a kid, at home and through my high school years. As a matter of fact, I despised high school. Those kids were nasty people. I never felt secure at home or at school. It's a battle I still struggle with daily, but I am trying and making progress, I think. I was belittled in both places and I felt like a piece of shit on the bottom of some ones shoe ALL THE TIME!! But, everyone has a sob story, I get that. It's no excuse. Boy, if only I knew then what I know now. I did all the diets. Slim fast, Nutri-system, all the diet pills, weight watchers, South Beach, etc. I was most successful with South Beach, I lost 53 lbs. I was eating right, exercising, and I quit smoking, but then I plateaued. It took me 18 months to lose that 53 lbs. And I am OK with slow weight loss. Well that weight loss occurred back in 2008. I was 197 Christmas of 2008.

Then my dad died, my family completely fell apart, my sister started doing heavy drugs, her son became my son, he was traumatized, my kids were traumatized, I walked out on my family 5 times in the last 1 1/2 years, almost filed for divorce, and everyone leaned on me harder for all the answers. So I took care of everyone! EVERYONE but ME!! I started smoking again, more than before, I was depressed, and I turned to Dairy Queen and cold stone to make myself feel better. I smoked so I wouldn't gain 500 lbs, but I ate, and ate, and ate. I ate my way from 197 to 257 in 3 years. And by the time the gaining was all said and done, I was up 78 lbs. to my highest weight ever of 274.8. That was the changing point for me. YES I HAD BARIATRIC SURGERY!! I had a lap band put inside my body! Come on people don't hate. What this person calls life threatening, I call life saving. Having surgery was no more of a death threat then the cardiac arrest I was eating myself into.  It's a tool, I still have to work just as hard as they do to lose weight. It is by no means easy. It offers me portion control, but I can still over eat and I don't get sick every time. But it is a permanent reminder of what I was becoming and what I don't want to be.

So to my friends that have the ability to do it "the old fashion way", I applaud you! I admire you!

And to my friends that have had bariatric surgery, whether it be lap band, or gastric bypass, or gastric  sleeve, I applaud you! And I admire you!

Why, because like me, we all had/have a food problem. Not a weight problem, a food problem. The weight problem is the end result. And we have all chosen to do something about it. I was in the 40% category. The insurance companies and doctors called me "morbidly obese". I looked at myself everyday, disgusted. I hated myself, I didn't know what to do, but I knew I had to do something.

So please, don't hate. Don't hate because I made a choice different from yours. There is enough of that in the world already. I will support you in the decision you made, won't you support me in mine?

Please, this is not meant to offend. Have a great night!

17 comments:

  1. What a beautiful, vulnerable, heartfelt, honest post. I feel honored to "be here" and hear your story. Thank you for sharing it, and I am so proud of you for all you have done to survive and thrive.

    Because you shared so honestly from the heart, I hope your words will touch a lot of people who may not "get it". I certainly understand your frustration. It isn't only with weight loss, it seems to be a human tendency to do this, I'm not sure why. I see this with women who criticize women for their choice to work vs stay home, or stay home vs work. I see it with criticism about kids who need special support in school because of identified learning disabilities that people don't understand - fearing it gives "unfair advantage" rather than just giving everyone a shot at an equal education.

    I don't get why we can't all more often be GENEROUS to one another, wishing each other the BEST. It seems to often from our own pain and feeling of "not having enough" we might want to "take away" from someone else. I think it works the opposite way. The more generous we are in our perspective, the more loving and understanding, the more it comes back to us.

    Obviously I agree with you, not just because I'm also having weight loss surgery - but with the over all idea that we need to stop finding fault with the ways other people dig out of pain and hardship - and realize life is full of so much more joy when we are able to stop being so narrow in the the people we decide we can learn from and celebrate with.

    I'm sorry that got you down today. I'm so glad you blogged about it. :-)

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    1. Thank you for this great post Cheri! I feel the same. I have a child that needs the extra in school and she has been ridiculed for it too. It's sad seeing so much hate in the world. I remember when people united several years ago for a short time. There was a glimpse of hope. I believe in other people. I know they have it in them. Thanks for being so supportive!

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  2. My brother-in-law could purchase any bike he so desired. He didn't pick a Harley. He bought a V-Star. Actually he bought two. One for him and one for his oldest son.

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    1. Thats Awesome Marc! I love my bike!

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  3. I've been surprised by the number of people who share that view on surgical weight loss. Some people seem to assume that it's an easy way out. Even as someone who's doing it the "old fashioned way", surgical options do not sound easy to me. In reality, there are no easy ways to lose weight. I guess there are always going to be haters. You're doing what works for you, and that's all that matters.

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  4. Exactly. Instead of berating people, we should applaud them making the decision to DO SOMETHING to become healthier. Sometimes I think people who are doing it the "old fashioned" way and get nasty about the WLS thing are just jealous. Because they think it's unfair that they have to work "so hard" to succeed and WLSers just get it handed to us. (Which, of course, as WLSers we KNOW is absolutely false, not to mention obnoxious.) Which is why I think it is important for us to be ambassadors for the band. People just don't know...

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  5. My surgeon and I talked about this a lot and he said "why does it matter if your success story has a tool like the band in it?" The bottom line is, I AM a success story, and I don't care if you think I cheated, because I KNOW what I did to get here. I applaud people who can do it the "right" way, but I'll be applauding from my size 8 jeans when they are on their nth attempt. Sorry for the sarcasm, but I think you know where I am coming from. Thanks for sharing!!!

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  6. that FB post..pissed me off...I couldn't have stated it better than you..great post!

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  7. I support you! Hopefully, everyone has something that helps them a little extra in some way. I certainly have.

    Living in Milwaukee, we have the Harley-Davidson motorcycle parades and reunions. It's really cool to see all the bikes. Sometimes, in the summer, we'll be driving down the road and see over a hundred bikes on the way to our destination.

    :-) Marion

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  8. I think we all know that struggle. Unlike the bypass surgery the band doesn't create malabsorption. The band really is a tool. It's very easy to eat and drink my way right around the band. Many days I don't even get a whole lot of restriction, it just helps me feel full and it serves as a mental reminder not to over eat and stretch my stomach pouch. I don't even listen to the naysayers any more because they don't know what they're talking about. Everyone will always have an opinion on how you should live your life but none of them know what's best better than you!

    http://thefatgirlthin.blogspot.com/

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  9. I'm still waiting for that "easy" to kick in. There isn't a single bit of this that has been easy yet. But the real problem is judging someone else's journey. I hope to never do that.

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  10. Very well said. I'm lucky that I haven't gotten any negative comments yet, but I am very in the closet about my surgery. I'm sure it'll come up when I've lost some weight and I'm grateful for you for putting this out there.

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  11. Yes YEs YES!!!!!! Love this post, and it is true. I don't have a weigh problem, I have a food problem, and my surgery has saved my life too.

    *HUGS* this made my day.

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  12. That is one of the big reasons why I decided not to tell many people about my surgery. My parents don't have a clue but my Mom would have been one of "those" people.

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  13. This is a great post! Thank you for putting it out there for us!!

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  14. love the post. going the old fashioned route does not work for everyone. if it did everyone would be able to loose weight without struggle. The decision to have surgery is a very personal decision and its no ones buisness but our own.

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