Numbers and food were good today. Exercise was cut short but I burned 100 calories in 12 minutes.
But I am over today.
Today was rough. I cried (3 times). I never cry and when I do I always do it alone. The last 14 months have been hard. Lets just say there has been so much family drama that I just can't take it anymore. My family (I am not talking about hubby and kids) has fallen apart three times in the last 4 years. Everyone seems to always look to me to fix everything. But I can't fix this. And to be honest.... I'm worn out and don't want to fix it anymore. I just want to be alone!!
My sister is a drug addict and it has torn us apart. It has torn her son apart. And I have been trying to repair all the damage she has done. She even came into my house and switched out pain killers with dog seizure medication. I am angry with her. I have been caring for her son for 14 months. Treating him like my own. I have lost a friend that I trusted. And I will never get that back. She is supposedly recovering again. I can't support her anymore.
I tried to get custody of him and it didn't work out. He is going to live with his father this summer. I have never wanted more than a safe happy environment for him. I think he will be fine with his father. Maybe not ideal but he will be fine. I'm OK with that.
According to my "family" I am selfish, don't know how to manage a family, never think of anyone else and it is my responsibility to "fix" things. I need a break and I think it's time to distance myself. Yep this is going to make all of this worse. I wish I cared less...I'm tired.....And I feel small....
I need to focus on something else.....Years ago I removed myself from the negativity and surrounded myself with positive people. I literally only talked to my family like twice a month. I think it's time to do that again.
Thanks for letting me talk and talk....
OK Sorry for the rant.... Have a great Friday!