Thursday, January 24, 2013

Thursday.... (I'm going to rant)

Numbers and food were good today. Exercise was cut short but I burned 100 calories in 12 minutes.

Calories: 1045.50
Fat: 27.50
Sugar: 62.83
Protein: 77.33

But I am over today.

Today was rough. I cried (3 times). I never cry and when I do I always do it alone. The last 14 months have been hard. Lets just say there has been so much family drama that I just can't take it anymore. My family (I am not talking about hubby and kids) has fallen apart three times in the last 4 years. Everyone seems to always look to me to fix everything. But I can't fix this. And to be honest.... I'm worn out and don't want to fix it anymore. I just want to be alone!!

My sister is a drug addict and it has torn us apart. It has torn her son apart. And I have been trying to repair all the damage she has done. She even came into my house and switched out pain killers with dog seizure medication.  I am angry with her. I have been caring for her son for 14 months. Treating him like my own. I have lost a friend that I trusted. And I will never get that back. She is supposedly recovering again. I can't support her anymore.

I tried to get custody of him and it didn't work out. He is going to live with his father this summer. I have never wanted more than a safe happy environment for him. I think he will be fine with his father. Maybe not ideal but he will be fine. I'm OK with that.

According to my "family" I am selfish, don't know how to manage a family, never think of anyone else and it is my responsibility to "fix" things. I need a break and I think it's time to distance myself. Yep this is going to make all of this worse. I wish I cared less...I'm tired.....And I feel small....

I need to focus on something else.....Years ago I removed myself from the negativity and surrounded myself with positive people. I literally only talked to my family like twice a month. I think it's time to do that again.

Thanks for letting me talk and talk....

OK Sorry for the rant.... Have a great Friday!


  1. Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're going thorugh all this crap. You can only do so much- you took in your nephew and gave him a safe place to be. His mother needs help and can only get it when she is ready for it. If you push she may just go further down the spiral.
    It's horrible when family issues completly take over your life, just remember that you have to take care of yourself and your family, the one that you have with your husband and children. The rest of your family needs to help "fix" things themselves if they think that thats what needs to be done. Sometimes distancing yourself is the only way to keep yourself sane. I know that this is all so much easier said than done but know that I'm thinking of you and hopful that you are able to come here and never be judged, at least by me.
    I hope things get better for you.

  2. You have to do what's best for you too. I hope that this all works out, but oh man I can't even imagine the frustration and heartache. Good thoughts your way!

  3. I understand completely what you are going through. While not a drug addict, my sister has serious mental issues and has created a lot of hell for my family. Vent whenever you need hon. We are here.

  4. You know, its such a common theme that I've seen (and lived myself) that people who have weight issues are the care-givers.

    We always take care of everyone else, and then, when we finally start looking after ourselves, those that used to take advantage turn and are angry.

    I'm sorry this is happening right now, but I'm glad that you can talk about it on here - no judging from us. Take care of yourself and stay strong! :)

  5. I am so glad you can blog about it. Trust your gut. You HAVE to do what is right for you and your immediate family first. The rest, no matter how heart breaking, isn't your responsibility. We are going through some similar drama....good luck!

  6. Sometimes you have to protect yourself first...get your boundaries established...sure wish we could pick our families===HUGS from AZ

  7. You need to take care of you and your family first. If they can't see that then you need to step back. Of course they won't like it but it is what is best for you, and that is the only thing that really matters.

  8. It is amazing to me how total strangers can support eachother but family cant. Thanks for this! You are all so amazing!